Things people need to stop doing

yeah yeah i'm pregnant and it's obvious. that must mean that my brain has vacated the building and i am only capable of talking about babies. People just need to stop doing the following;

a) showing you random pictures of their babies, or other peoples babies. do i care? am I supposed to care? just because i'm pregnant am I supposed to get excited about every other baby on the planet? i'm not a baby person. i never have been. i like my friends babies and i'll love my own baby but showing me a pixelated photo on your phone of your cousins new baby doesn't thrill me. of course I have to act like it's the cutest goddam random baby i've ever seen.

b) telling what the sex of the baby is based on amateur guess work. baby kickin? that means a boy. ooh eating honey are we?? that's a girl. Hey thanks stranger, how about next time you just follow me into the ultra sound room and we can clear this mystery up once and for all.

c) telling me how tired they are and that you're life is about to come to and end. maybe it will, maybe it won't - i sure wouldn't go around telling someone their life was about to come to a poo stained end even if it was the truth. fuck off with your truth mongering and let me live in denial just a bit longer.

d) telling you how much you're going to fuck your children up based on the way you approach your pregnancy/lack of nursery decorating and plans for raising a child. Yes I have headphones strapped to my stomach, no it's not nursery rhymes its The Knife. no i'm not having a nursery, yes I brought a knitted breast for my kid to play with... does this mean it's going to be a serial killer? fuck off with your antiquated judgements.

e) poo-pooing all over the names you come up with. this is why you have to come up with fake names to tell people. "Yes Magina is what we're thinking of - it's a hybrid of Marge and Georgina"

Of course I assume after I have a baby i'm going to turn into 'that person' ... "hey stranger, check out my crap blurry photo of my baby! your boobs are enormous! that means girl. hahahhaa i haven't slept in 3 months - good luck with that. oh you're naming your kid that? i always associate that name with this fat ginger I knew in primary school who we used to bully to the point of suicide for being a fat ginger with a stupid name. you are glowing!!!!!!!!!"


Magina Forever