Fatso in Paradise

Being that it is generally colder than a witches tit in February, we have decided to get away and go to sunny Morocco for a bit of sun and relaxation. To be honest aside from the sunshine and warmth and weightlessness from floating around in a pool the thing I most looking forward to is freedom to fart at any given time of the day.

I work in a close knit office, and whilst we can talk about any subject amongst each other, sitting in the corner and farting all day is generally frowned upon. This is unfortunate because I am often so full and gassy that I feel my tits are going to explode.

It's really hard to decide what to pack for a holiday in a country where you have to dress for the local customs. Difficult for me because all my clothes can be defined as "culturally slutty" given the rules i've got to live by on my trip. To be fair, it's probably a better look to have your body swathed in a flowy dress rather than a micro mini like your normal self.

I have been putting on the pregnancy weight as per the norm, but that doesn't stop me from living in denial when someone mentions how big you look.. "I just ate a big lunch..." all my self denial was thrown in my face when I went to put on my nice slinky swimsuit to put together a lounging around the pool outfit... because by the time I got the swimsuit over the bump and extra skin the boob holders couldn't go any higher than my navel. Not a good look.

I'm just going to go in a bikini 2 sizes too small and live like dental floss.

I would also like to add that the definition of awkwardness & impossible should be defined as a 6 month pregnant woman trying to wax her own bikini line. For one: you can't see where you are putting that wax, and secondly you can't see where you pulling that wax. I don' think my crotch has ever been more angry with me. Lots of redness/swelling and bleeding. It looked like a 13 year old's first period down there. And for what? do you think people are going to look at the pregant woman in her dental floss bikini and judge her on her raging hairy sideburns creeping out her bikini line? no, if anything they would be horrified by the whiteness of my body and the non-pube like hair growing all over it. Pregnancy is like being injected with a slight Yeti Hormone.  Sexy.