Halfling

well i'm technically half way there. which means the following;

Nothing Fits: and not only does nothing fit, I am living in denial about it. I had the night of the 'packing things that don't fit away into a suitcase to hide under the bed for the next year'... which leaves me with about 2 skirts and 50 jumpers.

Enormous Underpants; and when I say nothing fits, NOTHING fits. I had to go and buy Bridget Jones size underpants. what a sad day. My boobs are much bigger though, so that's a plus. Unfortunately you can't get them out anywhere cos you'd look like a loose pregnant slut. No one wants to see my rockmelon tits at this stage in my life. what a waste.

Eat the World; Daily life goes like this.... I see it. I want it. I eat it. And that goes for all sightings. Say you're watching a David Attenborough documentary about mature chimpanzees who use tools to break into trees and eat honey... and you're thinking... "I could really go for some honey too right now".. then then you're watching a movie and an out of focus character in the background is eating something out of the freezer and you're like "I wonder what they're eating" and then..  "I need some mango gelato too!" .. there's a BBC documentary on about the poverty levels of underprivileged youth on tv and it cuts to a tragic scene of these youths lives going nowhere fast, and then there is a neighborhood lady who likes to cook fried chicken for all the homeless young lads and all you take from the program is "i wish i could cook fried chicken".. I have to carry  a list around with me which I put food on that I plan to eat in the future. I did a pregnancy yoga class and all I could think about the whole time I was supposed to be meditating and visualising the healing power of light or some other BS was "I could get a chicken burger on the walk home" and "a bag of maltesers would be amazing right now" then I realised I didn't have any money on me and that i'd have to go without.  I did a lot of angry squat thrusts after that realisation.

The great irony to all the food yearnings is that I don't have the stomach to fit anything in. My stomach has probably been squished up next to something else so I can usually only eat about 5 bites of something before needing to lie on the floor and digest.  The baby does love apples though. I could eat about 6 apples a day. It's a shame that twat Gwyneth named her baby 'Apple', I will have to go one further and name mine 'Jazz Apple' which is the prawn's apple of choice.