The Brilliance that is Kim-Li

I have been doing ante-natal classes the past few weeks, some of which have been run through the NCT (National Childhood Trust) these classes have been excellent, they expand on the class you have at the hospital and empower you with knowledge and confidence to go onto having a happy birth and a healthy baby.   The NCT classes however are mostly for meeting other pregnant women who live in your area who you can form friendships and communities of support with.

My group has about 10 women who are all due within 3 - 4 weeks of each other, they are all lovely ladies who I will hopefully have wonderful bonding experiences with once my child is born. It will be nice to ring someone up at at 5am "you awake?" "what colour is your poop?"

Amongst my group however is the most outstanding person I have come across in recent times. I would like to introduce you to Kim-Li.

Kim-Li is an over-acheiving asian, her partner is also an over-achieving asian - this makes them the most informed powerhouse of childbirth and control that I have ever witnessed.

I am no way mocking Kim-Li, I think she's brilliant. 

Kim-Li and her partner are having their baby at the Portland - which is where you go to have babies if you are either minted or have excellent medical insurance. Stella McCartney has her babies there. 

These are just a few things that Kim-Li is up to that I have to share. If there is ever a dock-comedy made about ante-natal classes I would hope that the producers would make a Kim-Li character.

First of all Kim-Li's partner is all about control. We had a discussion about midwives, the next day he books a £3000 private midwife. We had a discussion about when to go to the hospital when contractions are underway, the next class we have Kim-Li's partner shows up with his laptop to show us a very sophisticated and scientific graph that he has devised with contractions mapped out which will tell you the exact perfect time to go the hospital. Genius. Sometimes super smart over-achieving asians outdo themselves.

Now.. Kim-Li... Kim-Li and her partner live in a tiny immaculate minimalistic flat, so Kim-Li has gone out and brought............... see through baby stuff. So that way she won't notice it. Her birth ball - see through. Her baby bath? see through perspex. I have to wonder if they might invent through necessity the first see-through pram. 

I find myself becoming the sage of widsom and zen around Kim-Li. Kim-Li was going to work up until the first contraction and I told her that she might enjoy a week or two off beforehand in case she's tired/uncomfortable. Kim-Li has now booked this in, she has also not told anyone at her work about her pregnancy and has been hiding it under giant shirts because she doesn't want anyone giving her special pregnancy treatment. 

I told Kim-Li that I walk to and from work each day, which amounts to 6 miles a day. Now every time we see each other her ongoing joke is "ooooh you walking 6 miles today?" I told her when she is on maternity leave we could walk 6 miles together if she wanted. Kim-Li is very excited.