This is normally the time of year for christmas parties, christmas dresses, and slinking into work at 11am with a hangover and a bacon and egg roll with your last night mascara goop fusing your eyelids shut.
Not for me.
Instead I have to remain sober, whilst all the other idiots who I can normally only put up with under the guise of alcohol have a fabulous time. At last year's christmas party we were so smashed we were all taken hostage at my friends house in Kentish Town. Spent an hour getting in and out of a cab because one of the group was too drunk to believe they were too drunk to function, and tried swimming across the floor of a Gordon Ramsey pub, and started a knife throwing competition at my desk at work. It was soooo much fun!!!!!!!
This year................ I was home by 6.20pm and watched 4 episodes of Downton Abbey.
Whhoooooooooppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's not even the worst part, because truth be told, I fecking love Downton Abbey. The worst part is being the sober person listening to drunk people ramble and not being able to ramble back at them.
Drunk people think its socially acceptable to put their hands all over your belly even though i'm hardly showing at all, and the only reason my belly is sticking out is because I ate 10 of the delicious mini-burgers that were being carried around by the snooty caterers. That's burger poo you're all rubbing! not baby!!!
Drunk people think it's acceptable to bring up a group conversation the topic of "so how fat are you going to get??" it's not fat!!!!! it's amniotic fluid!!!!!!!!! (i'm not in denial. you're in denial).
It ain't no fun at the christmas party.
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