Outrageously Ignorant Statements by the Childless

that is me! childless. for now anyway, because i don't think being 'with child' makes one an expert in all things parenting, I forget i'm pregnant half the time anyway and someone will have to interrupt me whilst i'm about to stuff my face with a rare beef burger to say "are you sure you can eat that whilst pregnant" and I have to pull the burger out of my jaws with a knowing "ahh i was just testing you" look on my face.

Truth be told, I know nothing about; pregnancy, childbirth, babies, or raising children. But that's not to say I don't have very strong held opinions about; pregnancy, childbirth, babies and raising children.

And one of my strong-held opinions is that people should shut the hell up 90% of the time.

Since telling my family that I am pregnant, every time I speak to a certain family member the first thing that comes out of their mouth is "are you fat yet?" what kind of stupid and rude question is that? do I ask them "are you completely bald yet?" or "you still an interminable bore yet?"

I would never ask a pregnant woman that, because they probably are fat and if they're anything like me are in strong denial about that fact. It's all water weight as far as I'm concerned, there is no way it's humanly possible to drink the amount of liquids I do and the very little peeing that eventuates from it, where is all the pee going? is my foetus swimming around in a giant pee pool?

I just think we need to let pregnant women do their own thing without making them homidical, which let's face it, everything makes me homidical these days. ie; Why would you think it's ok to eat an entire bag of pistachio nuts whilst sitting behind during a documentary about 3 ten year old boys who were murdered, and the 3 men who spent 18 years in prison wrongly convicted of the crime? this is not a movie for pistachio nut eating!!!!!!!!! Do you Tom Cruise's ugly mug anywhere on the screen?

And for that kindness in return I think that people with children should lay off the whole "my life is so much more fulfilling than yours" shtick.

I will never be one of those parents who laments at how her childless friends can never know the true meaning of happiness because only a child can bring true happiness into their fruitless and self-indulgent lives. True happiness for me is realising I have the entire series of Dawson's Creek on LoveFilm and I have 6 non-working days stretching ahead of me, whilst I sit without the bondages of underwear, stuffing my face with baked bean & cheese jaffles. Happiness!