Back when I was in the throes of pregancy I thought it would be a fantastic idea to book a beachy holiday to take Alvie on when she was 12 weeks old... pah! what an idiot.
We decided to go away for 4 nights and stay in a 5 star Villa on a secluded peak in Mallorca in the Balaeric Islands... sounds lush!
We learnt many many things on this trip: the Villa Rules
Dinner is only served from 8pm, which is far too late for a tiny baby who wants to be clean and sucking on the boob on the way to bed at this time of night. On the first night we went to the ridiculously expensive restaurant and ate our gastronomy meals within 5 meals. That wanky hake sure felt tasty on the way down burning my throat as Alvie sucked on my boob and the ageing snobs around us eyeballed each other and sent mental telepathy messages to each other (that's why we didn't have children).
If you want room service spaghetti you can only eat it in your room, not on the terrace, not in the garden, room only! I guess that's in case other people see you and realise they could be eating spaghetti too and forgo going to the exxy restaurant.
The only other food served on the terrace is Waffles. take it or leave it.
I guess next time we'll book a place where you can eat at a respectable hour, ie: 5pm. like normal people (normal people with babies)
Flying with babies - not so bad. Boarding planes and waiting for the plane to take off - bad.
Honestly, the whole boarding policy needs to be seriously revised; why would you put children on the plane first so that they then lose patience, start screaming and therefore epitomising the stereotype of why you shouldn't take babies/toddlers on planes. Board them last I say, then by the time they realise they hate wearing the seatbelt you've already cruised to a good altitude and the seatbelt light has switched off.
Going to a beach with a baby.. interesting... bring about five bags of crap, use one towel for all three of you. She did love the sounds of the ocean though, it's the first time she's ever fallen asleep lying down on her own. Note to self: replicate the soothing sounds of the ocean in the bath somehow...
I guess what I learnt on this holiday is; holidays will never be the same again. Sure you can get dressed up and go to the restaurant but you'll be covered in spew before the complimentary bread arrives. Actually practically every meal will need to be eaten standing up, just try eating an omelette with a baby in a sling and see what looks you get.
One thing that was a bit of luck is that when we arrived my super sense of smell picked up on a musty funk, so I asked to change rooms, however the only other room available was the Handicapped room....and lets be honest with a baby you are kinda handicapped - swimming in the shallow end of the pool, sitting down to shower, needing rails around the room to help you stand up.
We did get about an hour to ourselves at the pool, I brought along a travel cot and set it up, sure we looked like freaks, but it allowed us to be 2 meters away frolicking on our own without feeling like we were setting ourselves for a Madeline McCanning.
No comments:
Post a Comment