This year everyone told me to 'live it up' during my last childless Christmas, I guess they had pictures in their minds of two partying hard people who liked to get out and amongst it. Boy were they wrong.
My Christmas staycation began on the 22nd December, and so began the 12 days of my christmas pants & dressing gown. I lived in my christmas pants for a total of 5 days before I spent a cold few hours whilst my christmas attire was in the washing machine.
We left the house only to buy supplies. Putting big jackets on over our christmas pants and scurrying to the the corner shop to buy bread and milk with our hair unbrushed and an eyeball still fused together with sleep.
Christmas Day was a day of feasting. We unknowingly brought M&S rohypnol gravy and spent a good 4 hours passed out on the couch together, or maybe it was just that the Hobbit was such a boring film?
Our only Christmas present we brought was a toasted sandwich maker - and thus began the great Toasted Sandwich Marathon. At first we were pedestrian in our fillings, until a lack of food and an unwillingless to go outside proved our first creative culinary breakthrough. "what if we put artichokes and tomato soup in the toasties?" Consequent days were spent making exotic and weird toasted sandwiches that only the maker could love. We considered not going back to work and opening up a toasted sandwich shop instead, thus was the delusion one undergoes when they haven't seen the outdoors in a week.
By about the 5th day Mark decided to put on a dressing gown and hasn't looked back since. It was refreshing to be able to finally bond in my love of dressing gowns and teach him my secrets "sometimes, you don't even have to put pyjamas on underneath the dressing gown" whilst I flashed my naked self in his direction.
There was a good 4 days after that where the two of us lazed around in our dressing gowns and watched about 15 movies. We spent a good amount of time discussing the merits of Amanda Seyfried, and what exactly has Jude Law been up to lately? In between films we'd occasionally get on the internet to see what other films the major star had been in so we could watch more of their great work.
There finally came a day when we both realised we needed to get out of the house. Leaving the house proved good for reasons of fresh air, but didn't cure our mental illness. We assumed new identities - identitites of people who leave the house ; Moki & Riki. We went to Richmond Park and looked for deer. I was so unused to wearing shoes that I got a bunion after about an hour of walking, we looked like drug addicts when we hobbled back to the tube station.
New Years Eve we dressed up a bit, i alternated with a different pair of Christmas Pants. I drank fizzy grape juice straight from the bottle and popped my pregnancy vitamins as though they were prescription pills. We gave the cat a bath, and that was the highlight of our day.
We started the New Year with a walk through Hampstead Heath, it was the biggest mudslide ever and there were many an occasion where Mark refused to walk and had a tantrum whilst I soldiered on through the mud and called him an an-adventurous wimp. Later when we got home that afternoon we discovered that you can wash boots in the washing machine.
Our last day of day of staycation pretty much revolved around the same formula as the others; dressing gowns, movies and toasted sandwiches. I'm not sure how i'll cope at work having to wear the constricting shackles of underpants and bra.
I'm pretty sure a baby will fit in nicely with this lifestyle.
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