I Mourn My Jeans

I've done the incredibly hard pregnancy arithmetic, and I am now in my 6th week.  I am equal parts elated, laughing hysterically, and bursting into tears.

Being the major drama queen I am a hypochondriac, I am pretty sure that my jeans don't fit me anymore. I had to sit at my desk with one button undone today, which could either mean I was too fat for my jeans to begin with, or that little Goaty (that's what I choose to call my zygote) is actually growing at an alien rate and by my due date i'll be size of Susan Boyle P.W (pre-win).

I forgot what i'm doing when I'm doing it. At work today I made a million mistakes I wouldn't be surprised if they demoted me back to reception.

I'm really into Bon Jovi. I don't care who knows it. I can only deal with wholesome and heartfelt music, and something about the Lyrics to 'Always' are really striking some lame-deep seated need to listen to honest soft rock. I hope this is a symptom of pregnancy that wears off, or maybe one that I get instead of getting a facial rash or leaky boobs.

I was really looking forward to buying a new pair of jeans. My incredibly self-centred 'to-do' list only has about 3 things on it "buy eyeliner/buy more cardigans/buy new jeans" but now what's the point?the whole point of new jeans is to get a really tight and perfect fitting pair that makes your butt look amazing, and my butt is about to grow to the size of melons. I should write a new list to include; buy stretchy pants/buy more stretchy pants/buy bigger stretchy pants.

I really want to tell EVERYONE. But I know you're not supposed to tell anyone for another 6 weeks.. so I have told....9 people. Some of those people had only known me less than 4 hours, but sometimes news like that is better out than in. Otherwise i'm sure i'd come down with some illness caused by trying to keep a secret in for 12 weeks. Not Happening.

I feel nauseas, irritable, and crampy. The thought of runny eggs make me want to be sick. I will have to come up with some excuse for not eating all the eggs at work tomorrow - given we have the caterer coming in and everyone in my office knows me as "5 Eggs Girl" due to my greedy disposition for eating all the eggs on shoot days. What if they know something is up? maybe I'll have to just take the eggs anyway and hide them around my desk. Then i'll forget about them and someone will open my desk drawer - pull out the Positive Pregnancy Test and an old soft poached egg and then the jig will really be up!

I've only just realised how gross it is to have my pregnancy test still in my desk drawer at work. That means i've effectively put my urine enzymes all over everything in there. Oh i'm going to have a good snicker next time someone comes along and has the gall to open my drawer and steal my pen.

That will go down in history as the first Practical Joke Goaty ever played on anyone.